


I don't really hate your guts (and I wish you didn't hate mine)

by Welsper



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 06:44:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/pseuds/Welsper
Summary: He might be the last person Subaru wants that from, but Julius still tries to help him shoulder whatever burden he is carrying.





	I don't really hate your guts (and I wish you didn't hate mine)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flirtoptionthree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flirtoptionthree/gifts).



After their battle with Geuse, the armies had returned to Lugnica and were currently recovering as best as they could. Fighting two Archbishops of Sin together so closely had taken a lot out of them.

Julius stood in front of the gate of the Roswell mansion. After he had seen Subaru with Emilia on that hill… he needed to get it off his chest. No matter what would come of it. Nothing, probably. This boy was so obsessed, but that was what Julius liked about him. What drew him to him.

“Is Subaru here?” He asked Rem after she opened the gate for him. The small girl nodded.

“He has returned with Lady Emilia, but he went on a walk. Should I tell him something from you?”

“No need, I’ll go find him myself. I want to talk to him.”

“Oh… Subaru didn’t look so well,” Rem said, her hand held in front of her breasts. “Maybe it’s good if you keep him company a little. He was joking around, you know? But I know he was sad. Sometimes I feel like I barely know him at all...”

“I’m sure he’s just tired, Rem. He’s not a knight, after all. And he doesn’t have your strength either. Take care.”

Julius wandered through the vast forests of Roswell’s lands, following the path Rem had told him Subaru had taken. This was probably absurd. If Subaru was not feeling well, Julius was probably the last person he wanted to see. They weren’t even friends. And Subaru had told him in no uncertain terms that they might not ever be. It was no surprise, after what Julius had done to him. Back then, the knight thought he had been right and he had done it to spare Subaru from a worse fate, but now, seeing how far Subaru was willing to go to save the ones he loved… wasn’t he a true knight, after all? Didn’t he sacrifice enough?

“Subaru!” Julius walk turned into a sprint when he saw Subaru’s form cowering over a tree stump, hunched over and trembling.

“What happened?! Subaru, talk to me!”

Subaru flinched when Julius reached out to him and put his hand on his shoulder. For a moment, Julius thought he saw fear in Subaru’s eyes. Fear of him?

“Ah, Julius… you’re alright then? Battle didn’t take too much out of you, old man?”

Subaru let out a laugh, but Julius could immediately hear how fake it was. How forced. After sharing Subaru’s feelings though Nect, Julius felt so much closer to him. He could tell Subaru was in no mood to crack jokes and laugh. The boy looked as if he was about to fall apart. With nothing to contend but his own inner demons, could Subaru not channel the strength he showed on the battlefield?

“Stop this, Subaru. What’s going on?”

For a while, the two of them just looked at each other. Subaru managed to hold Julius’ intense gaze for a while before he cracked. His shoulders started trembling first, before the shivers ran through his entire body as it was wrecked with sobs. Thick, hot tears dripped down his face and onto the dry forest floor. He seemed to shrink as he fell apart with naught but Julius and the trees to witness it.

It was so far from the Subaru Julius had seen on the battlefield. The one who would charge in with Rem, the one who would fight for his friends and what he believed in to the point of looking an utter fool for it. The one who fought as if he could cheat death.

“When will this end?!”

Julius stared at him with confusion and concern in his eyes.

“When will she- urgh,” Subaru doubled over and clutched at his chest. Julius clamped his hands shut over Subaru’s mouth. The boy looked up at him with tears streaming down his face. There was so much pain in his eyes. So much sorrow. Julius had seen that kind of look before, on battlefields. It happened with men and women who broke after they had seen too much, lived through too much. But a boy this young? What could he have possibly experienced for this?

“Don’t say anything else. I don’t know what is going on with you and somehow I doubt I ever will, but I am still a knight. I have a duty to protect those that need my help. And maybe you hate me, but that doesn’t change what I have to do.”

Slowly, Julius lowered his hands. Subaru was wordlessly sobbing, snot and tears on his face which Julius gently wiped away with a handkerchief. He was drawn to this strange boy and whatever made him the way he was. Perhaps with time, he could figure him out. If Subaru would let him.

“I know you love… well, not me. I know you hate me.” Julius looked to the side.

“But if you ever feel like you can tell me without hurting yourself. Please do.” Julius closed his arms around Subaru and hugged him to himself tightly. The trembling in Subaru’s body stopped after a while as Julius rubbed his back. It was a stiff affair and Felix would probably laugh at him and give Subaru a proper hug, but it calmed Subaru's breathing all the same. 

“The way you fought during the battle moved my heart, Subaru. I know I told you you are not a knight, but that doesn’t matter. You are strong, Subaru. And I admire you.”

Julius leaned forward and kissed Subaru. Subaru stood there frozen and Julius soon drew back again.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” Julius said, the faintest of blushes on his pale face.

“Sometimes you’re kind of cool, you know?”

Subaru snorted and dragged his sleeve over his face. He still looked sad, even though there was now a little smile on his face.

“I’ll remember that next time,” Subaru said quietly. “Maybe you won’t even forget.”

“Why would I forget that? I don’t decide things on a whim like you do. I won’t just forget my feelings for you.”

“I know you really believe that. Thank you, Julius.”

Subaru finally gave Julius a real smile. The one he had fallen in love with. The one he showed even if everything was against him. That he showed his friends even if they thought all was lost. Sometimes Julius didn’t feel as if he knew his friend at all, but he was certain that Subaru was the strongest person in the world.


End file.
